Feb 27, 2004

Thoughts and Apologies

Dear god, let it be true: Family Guy is coming back to a tv near you.

My apologies in advance-- this weekend is going to be light on the posts. I wanted to make today's post weighty enough to inspire thought for the next day or so, but I have a real job, too, so, sadly, that wasn't possible. Deadlines are kicking my ass.

Feb 26, 2004

Because "cuddling in the afterglow" is such a turn-on.

Feminism has finally conquered the last frontier: porn. Thanks to innovators like these ladies, women will now be able to enjoy porn that is "'female empowered' adult entertainment-- the kind with plots, foreplay and cuddling in the afterglow, the kind that is mindful of women's tastes and suggests new possibilities for women's pleasure."

Personally, I'd fast-forward through those parts. Well, maybe I'd watch a bit of the foreplay. But not much. It's not that I don't approve of or enjoy plots, foreplay, or cuddling, I just don't find watching such things particularly exciting. That's a difference that Ms. Head and Ms. Ross don't seem to understand: porn is not real. What we want to watch for quick stimulation is often not what we want to happen in real life. I may watch some lurid bodice-ripper quite happily, but anyone who tries to get near my bodice is losing a finger-- I like my clothes intact, thank you. In real life, I may want an hour of foreplay (want, not necessarily get), but I would likely be bored watching the same thing in a porno.

But maybe that's just me.

Maybe watching porn with plots, foreplay, and cuddling turns on other women.

But maybe not.

Maybe many women feel the need for "female empowered" porn not because it's arousing but because it's acceptable. It validates the desire to watch porn and removes the stigma of pornography as degradation. As Ms. Head herself said, "It's all about empowering and educating women . . ." Hey, if I want education, I'll turn on the History Channel. Porn is, or should be, about eroticism and excitement for both sexes. I don't want Lifetime Porn for Women. I don't want to watch sensitive men have gentle sex and cuddle tenderly with their empowered girlfriends.

Of course, there is a helluva lot about porn that could stand to be changed. My personal suggestion is to find new actors-- give me a woman without balloons in her chest and a guy who actually takes off his socks.

Feb 25, 2004

Jesus Christ, Enough Already

As if I hadn't already heard enough about it on the news last night (and online for weeks), Amazon just emailed me to let me know that the now-deranged Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ is out in theatres today. As I am "someone who has purchased related items," the helpful people at Amazon thought I might be interested in the movie. Now, I'm just trying to figure out what these "related items" might be. The closest thing I can think of is a self-help book with some religious overtones that I ordered as a favor for a friend, who was giving it to her mother. Self-help . . . 126 minutes of subjugation, flagellation, crucifixion. Yeah, that one's a logical leap.

Feb 24, 2004

A Case of Improper '80s Revival

So they sell punk-inspired leg warmers on St. Mark's Place. Yep. Leg warmers decorated with skulls, flames, etc. No self-respecting punk would ever have worn leg warmers back in the '80s. Just because the aerobics craze and the punk movement both happened in the '80s doesn't mean that the same people were involved in both, kids. Nouveau punks suck.

A Sad Day in Toyland

For those of you who missed the news, it's official. After 43 years of dating, Barbie and Ken are breaking up. The shocked world is left with one burning question: Just how desperate for publicity is Mattel? (Personally, I blame the line of hoochie mama—excuse me, My Scene—Barbies. With oversized heads and feet and a line of midriff-baring fashions, they look like the freaky girls in the Steve Madden ads. Little tramps.)

Feb 23, 2004

The TermiNader

In a shocking turn of events, I find myself agreeing with Al Sharpton.

For more reasons why Nader deserves your contempt, see this article and this website.

Feb 21, 2004

Schadenfreude: For Hausfraus Only

I know they’re trying to be all hip to the zeitgeist, but Slate and the New York Times need to lay off. Schadenfreude is not a word that should appear in every article. Yet it pops up everywhere on both sites. Instead, let’s try expanding our vocabularies, shall we? Which brings me to:

epicaricacy /ep ik AAH rik uh see/ n – pleasure from the misfortunes of others. (Definition courtesy of Depraved and Insulting English by Peter Novobatzky and Ammon Shea).

Jackpot. Means the same thing as schadenfreude and sounds even more esoteric, which should please the Times writers. And we thought only the Germans had such a vicious little word.