Apr 29, 2004

You Know You Love Yul Brynner.

Yeah you do. I love Yul Brynner. Call this post irrelevant if you will, but there was a Yul Brynner documentary on tv tonight, which just reminded me of how awesome he was. If you don't know who Yul Brynner was, don't tell me. Just look him up, watch The King and I, and become totally enamored with him. It's inevitable.

Apr 28, 2004

Pity Sex on a National Scale

I guess this is serious. I'm having a hard time believing it, but I suppose people who make that many freaking typos (i.e. discrete instead of discreet, felatio instead of fellatio, etc.) would consider themselves good little Girl Scouts for slamming the troops. Thanks for pointing it out, NewYorkish.

Apr 27, 2004

Now If Only They Had Sex in the Swimming Pool . . .

N.Y.U. doesn't attract just smart students, it attracts smart, eclectic students," said Mr. Beckman, the university spokesman. "We had a film student who wanted to film a couple performing a live sex act in front of a class. We had students who set up a swimming pool in their dorm room. Now we have this fellow.

Is this guy actually proud of these "smart, eclectic students"? Next time they interview him, you know he's going to puff up with pride and mention some kids who built the world's largest bong or something. Oh, those nutty kids.

Apr 26, 2004

I Should Really Be Working.

Quizilla is like crack. I can feel myself getting dumber after each successive, mind-numbingly simplistic, misspelled quiz. Am I that desperate for distraction?

Apr 24, 2004

Damn I'm Witty.

Shouted at the tv after an episode of Iron Chef America:

Bobby Flay should die! He should choke on his own ego!

Apr 23, 2004

The Passion of Britney

According to the Times review of Britney Spears' ABC tv special, Brave New Girl, "Not surprisingly, the film is a marketing venue for Ms. Spears's music, though the sales pitch is laughably forced — her pop tunes are held up as the kind of inspirational leitmotif that emboldens deprived teenagers to dream and gives downtrodden single moms a jolt of confidence."

Does anyone else find the concepts of inspiration and Britney Spears totally oxymoronic (with an emphasis on the moronic)?

Apr 22, 2004

Fun With Captions!

Yet another great distraction, courtesy of NewYorkish. I personally like making Dubya say, "Your mom."

Also, my apologies for not posting yesterday ('cause I know you're all desolate and crushed and shit when I don't post for a day). I just didn't feel well and never got around to it.

Apr 20, 2004

Coming to America

Iron Chef America premieres this Friday. Oh, the excitement! Except that freaking Bobby Flay is one of the chefs. Everyone tells me that I'm being silly by despising Bobby Flay for his behavior toward Morimoto on Iron Chef a few years ago, but let's face it. He was horribly rude and, every time something didn't work perfectly, he complained that someone must have tampered with his equipment. No other challenger felt the need to act like such a whiny bitch. And, in order for Flay to win the rematch, they had to import judges, one of whom was a self-confessed Bobby Flay fan. Douchebag.

Okay, I have calmed down. And I'm looking forward to Iron Chef America anyway.

School Spirit

I know it's geeky of me, but I want this. However, I don't want it as a tie-- couldn't they make a scarf in the same print? I like the little crowns, I like the little Alma Maters, I just don't often wear ties.

Update: I found that they do make a scarf. Unfortunately, after seeing it and the tie at the Columbia bookstore, I realized that the blue background color is really quite drab. Not worth the kizash.

Apr 19, 2004

Spring Fever

It's evidently 77 degrees outside. Seventy freaking seven degrees. Today is the sort of day when you sit outside in your back yard (if you're lucky enough to have one), barbecueing and drinking cool, refreshing beverages. Instead, I'm at work, unable to concentrate-- because I'm daydreaming about sitting out in my back yard, drinking cool, refreshing beverages. So I'm frittering away my time looking for old episodes of She-Ra on ebay. Psht. Some substitution.

Apr 16, 2004

Helpful Sites for Frittering Away Your Time

To turn any site into porn, go to this site. (I personally recommend trying it on the Food Network site. Yeah Iron "Assfucker" Chef.)

For a slightly more innocent pleasure, dress your own Powerpuff Girl here.

Sigh

At last, The Apprentice has ended. I managed to entirely avoid watching it, but it was just one of those niggling little things that drive me crazy. Couldn't read blogs/peruse the paper/watch tv without being battered over the head with Apprentice-mania. Did I really give a damn about Trump's hair? No, not really.

And yeah, I know that they're already casting for a second season. But let me just enjoy the respite, okay?

Apr 14, 2004

Return of the Suicide Girls!

Oh, the Suicide Girls Live Burlesque Show is returning to the Knitting Factory in June! Alas, I shall be out of the country . . . Yeah, I know that I seem to be one of the few people who actually enjoyed the show, but come on. It was cute. They were trying. And they were hot.

Don't Ditch the Debt . . . Clock, That Is.

I almost had a heart attack (no, not literally) when I read that the famed and familiar National Debt Clock was being removed from its home on 43rd and 6th. Fortunately, it will be revamped and replaced, just one block north. Good. I've gotten used to seeing it. And it's comforting to know that someone or something is keeping track of the national debt.

Apr 13, 2004

The Tiara Song? The Ballad of Nutella?

This site is freaking awesome. I want to send in a song suggestion . . . maybe something about anchovy pizza and champagne. Or tiaras. Or both. Or Nutella, maybe. Oh, too many choices!

To give credit where it's due, I never would have found the site (or thought to look for it, for that matter) without the help of Gawker.

Apr 12, 2004

Ow.

Just when I think that body mods couldn't get any weirder or more painful (well, painful-looking, I suppose), I see this. Call me crazy, but I try to keep metal out of my eyes. Freaking Dutch.

Barbie Is a Noisy Bitch

While idly checking out what Barbie's up to these days, I discovered a site with possibly the most annoying sounds ever. Check it out. Practically everything makes some obnoxious noise when you hover over it. If you already don't like Barbie, this will further fuel your hatred.

Apr 9, 2004

Too Much Free Time

Yes, there is actually a website on which marshmallow Peeps have been arranged so that they "act out" the story of The Fellowship of the Ring. Man, someone has waaaay too much free time.

In more serious Peep-related news, there's an informative yet entertaining article on Slate today about the little critters.

Happy Peepster, everyone.

Apr 8, 2004

Holy Cow

Yep, those PETArds are at it again (third item).

Worse Than That Crack Habit

“The ad was intended to parody the sad shape a meat-addicted America has taken since this classic album came out 2 decades ago,” PETA execs wrote in a memo.

Freaking PETA people are their own worst enemies. They'd have some valid points (i.e. no cosmetic testing on animals) if they weren't all up-your-ass activist about everything. Americans are obese? Blame meat! What about junk food? What about McDonald's? (Not that I'm in favor of suing fast food chains-- that's preposterous, too.) What about the fact that, as a nation, we watch too much tv and sit in front of computers and don't get off our lazy asses? Nope, we're fat because we're addicted to meat.

Apr 7, 2004

Semantics Rant

Trannyfags are female-to-male (FTM) transgender people who identify as fags and lust after, love, and fuck other guys. Those other guys could be FTMs or "bio men." "Bio men" is shorthand for "biological men," men who were assigned a male gender at birth, as opposed to men who were assigned a female gender at birth. Lots of folks, including me, find the term bio men, while useful, also problematic, since it values a biological determinist model of gender, i.e., you are what your genitals and your birth certificate say you are. Many prefer to use the term non-transgender men to identify those boys who got blue hats and booties in the maternity ward.

This quote is from the most recent Tristan Taormino column in the Village Voice. It bugs me, but not because I have a problem with transgender individuals. What I object to is the term "non-transgender men" being used to describe men who are born with the physical attributes of men. In other words, these guys are biological men. This seems like a perfectly acceptable handle to me, and one that is particularly convenient, as it can even be shortened to "bio men." No, I oppose using a term such as "non-transgender men" to define the majority as opposed to the minority. Most men are not transgendered, so it's simply illogical--bizarre, even--to describe them as not the minority. The minority, in this case female-to-male transgender people, should accept the fact that they are a minority. Minority does not necessarily (and certainly should not) equal stigma. But defining the majority as not-the-minority is an example of political correctness taken too far. It's pompous, self-important, and illogical.

Apr 6, 2004

Burnt Sausage

Poor Jamie Oliver. Poor, stupid Jamie Oliver. I still find him endearing, but I can't help laughing over the thought that he burned his penis while cooking in the nude. I guess they weren't joking when they called his show The Naked Chef.

Also, note his daughters' names (at the end of the article). A bit precious, no?

Guadalupe From the Block

This is not freaking fair. Why do rich people always win the lottery, jackpot, etc., while the rest of us poor schmucks seem more likely to be hit by lightning?

Apr 5, 2004

Shoes!

Ah, yes. It's April, almost time for strippy strappy shoes. Not that the weather gives any indication of its being spring. Speaking of strippy strappies, I think I want these.

Apr 3, 2004

Revelation

'Cause I know you've all been waiting breathlessly for the answer to yesterday's post . . . The phrase in the article is "nasty, brutish, and short." It's a quote from Leviathan by Thomas Hobbes.

Apr 2, 2004

Where's Hobbes?

This article about the upcoming Pixies reunion contains an unattributed quote from a surprising source-- Thomas Hobbes. See if you can find it. (Answer to be posted later.)

Makes me wonder how many other references I've missed throughout my Slate-reading career.

Apr 1, 2004

Even when Kevin Smith makes crappy movies, I can't help but love him.

Excerpt from David Ansen's interview with Kevin Smith for Newsweek:

DA: I thought of "Chasing Amy" as I was watching this. It's my favorite of your films.
KS: Thanks. Mine, too.

DA: But "Jersey Girl" isn't my favorite.
KS: Right.