Aug 31, 2004

Dirty, Dirty Tom Brokaw

I have reached the conclusion that Tom Brokaw must be a dirty old man who can't manage to keep his pornographic thoughts to himself. They are now spilling onto the airwaves in all their hysterical glory. (Thanks again, Jeremy.)

Tax what?

Brokaw says bukkake. (Yes, really.)

Debbie Gibson Turns 34

For all of you who are in need of a flashback (or have been nursing some closet fetish), Debbie Gibson is turning 34 today. Whatever. Her music sucked, man. I'm only posting this for you guys.

Mean Girls

Sorry about the absence of yesterday's post. Was totally swamped at work. Am perhaps more swamped today, but am in denial.

In other news, it seems that Tara Reid and Lindsay Lohan are vying for the affection of Paris Hilton. Do I care? Not really. But I want to see pictures of the impending catfight . . .

Aug 27, 2004

Starbikers, Huh?

Recovering alky bikers meet at Starbucks. Sounds like a bad movie plot, doesn't it? But it's kinda cute, in a way. Aww . . . (Thanks, Fark.)

Aug 26, 2004

Jesus Tap Dancing Christ

This is perhaps the best collection of horrible video clips, a virtual smorgasbord of humiliation. Especially noteworthy is the fourth clip from the top, which showcases an utterly annihilated Orson Welles attempting to plug wine. Thank you, Jeremy, for sharing this treasure trove of disgrace.

Fan Site for . . . a Ride?

Hm. Guess I'm not the only one who misses the 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea ride at Disney World. This guy has devoted a whole site to it. It was fun, though not a favorite of mine. I was down with the mermaids, but the giant squid freaked me out . . . much the way the whale/squid diorama in the Museum of Natural History scares the shit out of me to this day.

The whole topic makes me want to go back to Disney, though.

Aug 25, 2004

Give Me a Present Without Paying for It

I want an iPod, but am poor. However, a website is giving away free iPods as an inventive marketing technique. I know it seems like a sham, but this Wired article explains that it's actually reputable.

Here's the exciting part: you (yes, you!) can help me get a free iPod. Click on my referrer link to participate: http://www.freeiPods.com/default.aspx?referer=8169657

You do have to sign up for one of the offers listed on the site, but several of them are free (I recommend the infone option), or are free trials that you can cancel in a month or so (like the AOL options). Also, if you sign up, you're then eligible to get a free iPod if five of your friends help you.

Thanks!

Misconceptions

Dan Savage asked readers to write in with their stories about their childhood misconceptions about sex. There were some damn confused kids out there, man. My mom taught me about sex early on (literally, we read the how-babies-are-made books when I was probably two or three), but she neglected to mention some parts (i.e. it's fun), so I was left thinking that sex was solely for procreation. You want to have a baby, you have sex. You don't want a baby, don't bother having sex. And no, we weren't Catholic.

Aug 24, 2004

Yeah Butt Paste

As one of the enlightened Cosmic Trio, I already knew about Butt Paste. Now it seems the word is spreading.

Hello, Kettle? This is Pot. You're Black.

Tom "proud bitch of L. Ron Hubbard" Cruise thinks psychiatry is cultish. (Last item.)

Aug 23, 2004

I'm Tired . . . So Tired

Am sleepy and cranky today. I've been hiding from my email, and I'm decidedly not going to post anything witty. Screw you. Go watch the kitty cat dance again.

Aug 20, 2004

Responsible Citizen

Yeah, just felt the need to brag. I read the weather forecast online yesterday, as I do every morning. It warned of "dangerous winds." Not knowing exactly what constituted these "dangerous winds," I decided to play it safe and brought the basil plant in from the fire escape. Consequently, nobody was hurt under my window. Unlike in Times Square.

Aren't I responsible? I'm a good girl, I am.

Aug 19, 2004

Busy News Day

Oooh, I just found out that La Cage aux Folles is coming back to Broadway! I haven't seen La Cage since the 1993 tenth anniversary production in Boston. Prior to that, I hadn't seen it since 1983. Maybe that's why I'm so down with drag queens-- I was indoctrinated early.

Sexy Little Panda Bear

From the people who brought you the kitty cat dance, it's the sexy panda bear song!

Vibrators for Hippies

So I open my inbox this morning and what do I find? A link to alternative power vibrators, so I can get off and save the environment at the same time. Thanks, Alan.

Aug 18, 2004

Russia, With and Without the Luxury

This is not how I travelled while in Russia. Yes, I took a sleeper train from Moscow to St. Petersburg; no, it did not have a bar at then end of the corridor. Or an air conditioner in each cabin. Or private bathrooms. Or . . . well, any of those goodies. My bunk cost $30, not $380. Just wanted to make sure nobody reading this article got the wrong impression. I assure you I wasn't touring Russia in luxury.

Aug 17, 2004

One-Eyed Willy Rocking the Bathroom

My bathroom is awesome. This was a recent purchase. I feel like one of the Goonies.

Political Douchebaggery at Work Again

This is fucked up. Seriously. It's akin to grandfather clauses and other immoral political chicanery. Though I suppose we should be getting used to that by now.

Aug 16, 2004

So True

I find this sentence so amusing: Keanu Reeves is reportedly engaged to a woman who can tolerate his blank stares. Thanks for keeping me entertained, Gawker.

Aug 13, 2004

Where's Dick?

Let's play a little game, shall we? (Thanks, Fleshbot.)

Distractions and Diversions

What ever would I do without ebaumsworld? Here are some choice selections for your viewing pleasure:

I've had this catchy little number stuck in my head for a week now. I think everyone's sorry, because I tend to burst into song and dance without the slightest provocation. I'm a kitty cat, bitch.

This kid is already on his way to becoming an icon, much like Star Wars boy.

Finally, for when you have a free nine-minute block of time, this short is hysterical. It defies description.

I promise to post something else not lifted from ebaumsworld later. I'll be away for the weekend, so I wanted to keep everyone entertained in my absence.

Aug 12, 2004

Jeannie in a Bottle

Yeah, I know it's silly, but I want a genie bottle of my own. I especially like the one that comes complete with Jeannie. But, damnit, for $449.99, I expect a real genie, not a miniature model of one.

Aug 11, 2004

Savagery

I swear I haven't been following Dan Savage online; I just happened to read an article he wrote, which led me to an interview with him. Both pieces further convinced me that I'm right, both in my views on gay marriage and in my desire to own a copy of The Kid.

Aug 10, 2004

Pinball Wizards and Weirdos

Watching Tommy is somewhat akin to watching a train wreck. But a strangely fabulous one.

To the BatSite, Robin!

Yep, Adam West (a.k.a. Batman, or the mayor of Quahog, if you prefer) has his own website. It's not as kitschy as it could be, but it's still pretty odd.

Aug 9, 2004

Down-to-Earth and Naked . . . What a Spiffy Combination

Yet another reason why I love Keira Knightley: she signed autographs naked. What a sport. She's totally the sexiest tomboy beanpole on the planet, with or without clothes. Or collagen.

Aug 6, 2004

He Was Rick James, Bitch.

Somehow it seems wrong to make Rick James jokes after today. But let's mourn through humor, shall we? They should totally replay the Rick James episode of Chappelle's Show as a memorial tribute.

News From the Seth MacFarlane Front

Check out the American Dad pilot. Doesn't seem half as good as Family Guy, but I'll give it a shot.

Several hours later, I now have higher hopes for the series. I rewatched the pilot and it seems to have improved. Or maybe that's the booze talking.

Giving Casino Royale Its Due

I'm not sure I agree with everything in this article, but it's nice to see that someone's not just dismissing Casino Royale as a plotless, pointless, psychedelic spoof. Don't get me wrong-- it's damn trippy and really funny, but it may contain a few nuggets of truth.

Oh, and to further support one of the points in the article, in the hotel shown in the opening credits of Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me there is a sign that evidently points to the hotel casino which is, of course, called Casino Royale.

Aug 5, 2004

Spectacularly Bad Halloween Costumes

I pity the poor children who wore these costumes. I'm sure that dressing up as Scott Baio or Herve Villechaize really boosts a kid's self-esteem.

The page seems to be a bit temperamental, either not loading all of the images or not showing up at all. But be patient. Try back later. Refresh a lot. Don't give up-- the costumes are damn funny. And not a little freaky.

Aug 4, 2004

Yet Another Way to Waste Time

It's silly, but fun: Name That Drug!

Aug 3, 2004

Getting Richer, Bitch.

Good news for so many of us: Chappelle's Show will return for two more seasons. If they'd only get rid of the damn musical guests, I'd be a happy camper.

I Went Up to the Crown, Motherfucker.

Lady Liberty's open for business. Tramp.

Aug 2, 2004

Um, Yeah

Doesn't the Times have anything more important to cover than men's underwear?