Sep 30, 2004

Presidential Debate Malaise

What an election. Kerry bores me, Bush angers me. (Note to Prez: Saying something doesn't make it so, buddy.) For terribly pragmatic, rather entertaining, though not exactly inspiring, observations, check out this site.

Separated at Birth

This guy might just be more excited about Halloween than I am. And I thought that was impossible. I am totally enamored of his site. Not only does he rhapsodize about Halloween, but he seems to have an unnatural fascination with the '80s. I think I found my long-lost twin. . .

Sep 29, 2004

Near Miss

Thank goodness somebody (in this case, the Swedish government) is looking out for defenseless babies. If you and your spouse are such morons that you feel the need to name your kid Superman, you obviously shouldn't be reproducing. (Thanks, Fark.)

Tenacious D, You're the Man. Er, Men.

You must go here and watch the sixth video from the top. It is awesome. Just awesome. Afshin introduced me to it and now I'm sharing it with you. That's fucking teamwork.

Sep 28, 2004

In Praise of Bubble Wrap

Popping bubble wrap is always fun. Even popping online bubble wrap. (Thanks, NewYorkish.)

Sep 27, 2004

Krispy Kreme Kakes

Well, I can't say that I consider this an ideal wedding cake, but I'd be happy to get one for my birthday. Mmm, Kwispy Kweme . . .

Sep 24, 2004

Sweet Dreams Are Not Made of This

I know there's nothing more boring than listening to someone prattle about her dreams . . . but I'm going to do just that. Seriously, though, this one's funny. And I'm only posting the highlights.

This weirdo clown-like man was holding me hostage in a basement with a bunch of other people, including one of the actors on the show Quintuplets. These rednecks who lived in an ice cream truck started piping some sort of gas fumes into the basement (we knew it was them because we could hear the ice cream truck music coming through the pipe), so I knew I needed to escape. That entailed breaking several windows, although I think I probably broke more than necessary just for the hell of it. So I managed to escape, but then I needed to blend in with the people in the nearest town. Only one problem there-- the town was populated entirely by multiple Ronald McDonalds. Very freaky.

I'm scared to know what this indicates about the state of my psyche, other than I have a healthy fear of clowns. But don't we all?

Booty Shaking Blooper

Call me puerile, but I found this clip distressingly funny. Why the hell would you tape yourself doing this? Dear lord, if my ass shakes like that, I don't want it recorded for the world to see. Hell, I wouldn't even look in a mirror.

Sunday, Monday, Boozeday

Never again will I get that aw-crap-it's-Sunday feeling again (on the booze front at least). The NY State Liquor Authority has decided that liquor stores can now be open seven days a week. These are some exciting times, no?

Sep 23, 2004

Pie!

I still really want an iPod. But, thus far, nobody has helped me out, so I'm resorting to bribery. If you complete the necessary requirements, I will make you a pie. Interested now, huh? I explained everything in a previous post, but, just for good measure, here's my referrer link again: http://www.freeiPods.com/default.aspx?referer=8169657. Also, you will get spam, so you should probably open an extra email account or something so it doesn't flood your regular account.

Sep 22, 2004

R.I.P. Russ Meyer

Russ Meyer, creator of such classics as Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! died on Saturday. Maybe this will finally prompt me to go out and rent some of his other movies in memoriam. Not sure any of them could possibly top Faster, Pussycat!, though.

Even Luke Skywalker Says Lighten Up

In honor of the release of the tweaked-beyond-all-recognition Star Wars trilogy (why can't George Lucas just let it alone?), Fark linked to this article yesterday. Pretty amusing. I particularly liked this quote from Irvin Kershner, director of Empire :

"Yoda's philosophy was quite simplistic. 'If you get angry, you're gonna lose.' 'Don't try, do.' He has a basic philosophy that is very charming. Not very profound, although young people consider it profound. I wish they would read more."

Sep 21, 2004

Updates From the World of Wasabi

Okay then. Contrary to popular belief (and my own opinion), wasabi doesn't clear your sinuses. In fact, it appears to cause congestion. That's okay, though, because it might fight cancer, and/or prevent blood clots, asthma, and cavities. Cool. Plus it's just good, man. (Thanks, Fark.)

Sep 20, 2004

Jay and Silent Bob Try to Pay Their Mortgage? I'd See It.

Have been looking for this article for weeks. I read it, thought it was pretty funny, wanted to link to it, couldn't find it again. Finally, I tried using a search engine other than Google (thanks, Afshin), and I found it right off the bat. First entry on Yahoo when I searched for "Kevin Smith" and "Jennifer's Bitch." (Yeah, those were the only exact phrases that I remembered. Other than film titles, of course, but that hardly narrows the search when you're looking up Kevin Smith.) So check it out if you want an amusing article about Kevin Smith, Clerks X, and journalists who are uncomfortable with profanity.

Show Tunes Conquer All!

Upon opening my email this morning, I found that I had received this little gem. I don't know if it's true (although I've since seen it mentioned on several fairly reliable sites), but it is hysterical. Hallelujah for defeating the subway preachers with the power of show tunes! (Thanks, Alan.)

Sep 17, 2004

Bush Pictures (No, Not Porn)

I don't actually know what this site says, as it's in Russian. But it has a great gallery of Bush pictures. I'm not sure which is my favorite, the one with the bird pecking at Bush's crotch or the one where the Pope has totally given up on Bush. The poor Pope looks so damn defeated.

Oh, You Silly Little Man

To be honest, I do love Alan Cumming. But this is just ridiculous. Let the bad sexual puns commence! (Thanks, Gawker.)

How Fucked Up Is This?

This is totally asinine. A woman in Florida has been charged with battery for slapping her boyfriend-- after he had been arrested for beating her so badly she had to be treated at the hospital. Meanwhile, the case against her boyfriend was dropped. Just unfuckingbelievable.

Sep 16, 2004

To Clear Up the Confusion, No, Vaginas Don't Vote

This article makes a good point about the silly, vagina-centric methods used to recruit women voters. I'm all for female empowerment, but come on. Nobody's vagina is going to weigh the issues, contemplate the candidates, walk into a voting book, and pull the lever (or the electronic equivalent). At least I sure hope not.

Although I think a couple of dicks voted in the last election.

Sure to Spark Debate Among the Star Wars Set

Pretty damn dorky, yo: a website comparing the remastered Star Wars DVDs to the original versions of the films. Though I feel vaguely shamed, as I participated in a discussion about the Jabba the Hutt changes a mere two days ago. (Thanks, Defamer.)

Sep 15, 2004

Mmm, Condiments

Don't ask me why, but for some reason listening to The Ketchup Song always cheers me up. Maybe because it's so silly. And they're kinda hot. Eh, watch it yourself.

Metropolis vs. Gotham City . . . Plus Silly Superheroes

At first I just thought the picture was amusing, but then I read the rest of this entry and found the Metropolis vs. Gotham City discussion interesting. Check it out.

Sep 14, 2004

Aicha, Encore

Am in complete headless chicken mode. Here, have some Aicha remakes and spoofs to keep you entertained. (Although the original Gellieman version is the gold standard.)

Sep 10, 2004

More Silliness From Our Political Leaders

This time it's Ahnold, back in his 'roid days.

Love Doctors

Oh, Dubya, you may be a douchebag but you're an endless source of entertainment. I wonder if he actually knows what ob/gyns do, or if it's another one of those "tribal sovereignty" moments. (Thanks, NewYorkish.)

Sep 9, 2004

Faux Algae

Call me crazy, but I kinda like this. I know it's fake algae and all (clean and odorless, of course), but think of how cool it would look against a wall . . . Ooh, it's a good thing I'm not about 10 years old and still in my Little Mermaid phase. I'd so have this stuff all over. And fish dangling from the ceiling. I'm very good at themes. (Some call it overkill.)

Take a Left at the Scrotum . . .

Is this really necessary? A penis atlas? Those wacky Norwegians. (Thanks, Fark.)

Give Peace a What?

A recent Engrish discovery. Just tickled my fancy, so thought I'd share it.

Sep 8, 2004

Heiresses Face Off

I didn't even realize that Julia Louis-Dreyfus was an heiress. That's pretty awesome, though. I've always wanted to be an heiress . . . Okay, back to reality. This site is pretty funny. Makes you appreciate Julia Louis-Dreyfus even more. And further drives home how utterly worthless Paris Hilton is. (Thanks, NewYorkish.)

Sep 7, 2004

This One Goes Out to All You Mullet Lovers

Stumbled across this site this morning. Such a plethora of mullets to gawk at, drool over, and/or otherwise mesmerize us all. Makes me very tempted to send in a picture I took in New Orleans of the infamous Mullet Boy, an unfortunate child clad in a leather jacket and accompanied by his be-rat-tailed mother (also in leather).

Sep 3, 2004

Politics

I found two recent Salon articles about Bush that are quite good, if inordinately frustrating.

Surprise! Strings were pulled.

The recollections of a widow of a former Bush family friend are rather damning, and very well written.

Sep 2, 2004

Suddenly Your Hand Isn't Good Enough?

For really lazy horny men, here's the Ijaculator! Seriously, I can't believe that anyone would shell out the cash for this. What, are you in danger of getting carpal tunnel?

Sep 1, 2004

Misconceptions Part II

Last week, Savage Love featured a bunch of childhood misconceptions about sex shared by male readers; this week, it's the ladies' turn.