Dec 31, 2004

Like Sesame Street on Acid

The double entendres in this clip from the British television show Rainbow are pretty funny, in a horrifying sort of way. Evidently this segment was filmed as a joke and was never aired. But I'm glad to share it with you all now. (Apologies in advance to my lovely British friends who look upon this show fondly-- you may be scarred for life.) (Thanks, Screenhead.)

Dec 30, 2004

Scrabble Nazism

In past, I have been accused of being a Scrabble Nazi. Which I am not. (Hell, I let the word unleafy slide once to get a game over faster.) Fortunately, neither I nor anyone else I know is as bad as this. It would be pretty funny, though.

I Thought You Said It Was a Good Size!

Hysterical.

Dec 29, 2004

Gag Me with a Spune [sic]

I've heard of babies being dropped on their heads . . . but I think the parents who chose these names must have sustained head injuries themselves. Seriously. Tymphani and Symphaney? Zenith and Zurrenity? Mysteek and Madawna?

The Fantastik Jerry Orbach

Oh, no! Jerry Orbach is dead. That's so sad. He was so crankily avuncular, and a damn fine actor to boot.

Celebuskanks in My Bed. Er, Head.

Last night was undeniably bizarre. Not only did I wake up every hour on the quarter-hour beginning at 3:15, I also had the strangest dreams. (And it takes a lot for one of my dreams to be designated "strangest," as I have some pretty bloody odd dreams.)

First of all, I was Courtney Love's daughter. We were in a club at the top of a building in California with her hanger-on boyfriend and their little girl. Courtney was, unsurprisingly, being all drunk and belligerent. Then I got a phone call from Kate Bosworth, who wanted to know when I would be flying back to New Brunswick (New Jersey, not Canada) because she was going there too and wanted company. But she was flying back that same day and I wasn't leaving California for another week. Then Tara Reid called me and asked basically the same question. So I hooked up Kate and Tara, telling them that they should travel together. But when I went to dial Tara, I mistakenly dialed Paris Hilton, but hung up right away. (Yeah, right. If I had Paris Hilton's phone number, I would never stop prank calling that twit.) I remember remarking to Courtney-mom that, "It's like all of Page Six is calling me today!" Even in my dream I found it inexplicable.

Then I got in the elevator to leave the club and saw myself in the metallic doors. I had lots of curly auburn hair and big tits and, well, looked like Lindsay Lohan. (In reality, I look nothing like her.) After going down in the elevator, I realized I forgot my purse at the club and had to go back to get it. Then the dream switched to some sort of political event and I had to climb over Bush and Cheney to get to the bathroom.

No, I'm not on drugs.

Dec 28, 2004

Update

Here are some options for ways in which you can help.

Loose Ends

I hope everyone who celebrated had a very merry Christmas; mine went surprisingly well.

In other, significantly more depressing news, the death toll in South Asia has reached approximately 40,000, a third of which is comprised of children. How awful. I have to go find out if there's anything I can do to help. Expect a follow-up post.

Dec 23, 2004

Mmm, Pi . . .

So this is kind of nifty. It converts the first 10,000 digits of pi into a musical sequence. Takes a very long time to play, but it's fairly pleasant to hear, actually. (Well, on the C scale. That's the only one I've heard so far.) Oh, and there may be a few errors in it, thought I couldn't attest to that. (Thanks Zack, by way of Afshin.)

Attack of the Clone

Shit, man. $50,000 for a clone of your cat? Doesn't seem worth it to me. Seems morally reprehensible, in fact. Let's hope my mom doesn't hear about it. Our dog is getting old . . .

Dec 22, 2004

Lumpy Men in Costume

Oh Jeebus. There is something worse than the Tron guy. And it's this guy. Be forewarned: you may go blind after looking at these images.

Dec 21, 2004

Sad But True

This article is so totally about my family. Horrifying, isn't it?

Random Observation

So, not that you, my two dear readers, care, but I feel like sharing anyway. I'm wearing a new scent of deodorant today and I keep getting distracted by the fragrance. I'm not used to it. I don't smell like me. I smell like someone better-scented. Score.

Dec 20, 2004

Scaredy Claus

Oh, everyone's had one of these experiences. The first time I went to see Santa they had to snap the picture really quickly before I burst into tears. Eh, it happens. Some of the expressions in the photo gallery are great, though.

Dec 15, 2004

Trippy

This is strangely mesmerizing. (Thanks, Jeremy.)

Everything's Better With Bunnies

How is it possible that I hadn't already discovered this site? It shows bunnies reenacting movies in 30 seconds. Bunnies. How could I have missed it up until now? What genius! (Thanks, Screenhead.)

Dec 14, 2004

Remember, Nothing Says 'Good Job' Like a Firm, Open-Palm Slap on the Behind

Why do I doubt that this is a real anti-sexual harrassment video?

Crap You Don't Need

So, new from the Department of Crap You Don't Need, here are Shuga Buds! Yes, now you can have rhinestone-encrusted earphones. 'Cause those are really practical. Comfy, too, no doubt. (Thanks, Gizmodo.)

(Aren't you glad that I don't actually want a pair? My taste has decidedly improved.)

Dec 10, 2004

Impure Thoughts

While tootling around on Google, I found a link to a page called BJU. As I have a moderately dirty mind, I thought it had to be a fake. But I clicked on the link, and up popped the homepage for Bob Jones University. According to their mission statement:

Bob Jones University exists as a training center for Christians from around the world. The goal of the administration, faculty, and staff is to equip its students for a lifetime of service to Christ.

So, for what are the little Christians being "trained"? What is this "service" they perform? These seem like highly relevant questions when your alma mater is called BJU.

Wondering About Wonka

Well, the trailer for the Tim Burton/Johnny Depp version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is out, about, and circulating online. Unfortunately, it's so spastically edited that it's impossible to get a sense of whether or not the movie will be any good. It has great potential to be either fantastic or completely bloody awful. One thing is apparent from the trailer, though: Johnny Depp's wig was a big mistake. He looks like a hausfrau with a top hat. (Thanks, Screenhead.)

Dec 9, 2004

Tickets for Tots

What a great idea. The city of Boston is allowing people to pay off their parking tickets with toys of equal value instead of paying the fine. Unfortunately, this only applies to tickets given on December 1st, 2nd, and 3rd. I think that they should extend it and periodically set up similar exchange programs (asking for canned food, or clothing, etc.). And more cities should follow Boston's example. (Thanks, Fark.)

Dec 8, 2004

What's Next? Mini Me as Baby Jesus?

There's no denying it-- this is funny shit. (Unless you happen to be deeply religious.) Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum in London has set up a nativity scene featuring David Beckham as Joseph, Victoria Beckham as Mary, and Kylie Minogue as an angel. The shepherds are Samuel L. Jackson, Hugh Grant, and Graham Norton. Better yet, the three wise men are Tony Blair, the Duke of Edinburgh, and George W. Bush. (Yeah, I'm baffled about that last selection, too.) There are some great pictures of the unholy nativity here.

Mocking the Marrieds

Some of these hypothetical conversations are kind of lame, but I loved this one. Primarily because Sam Malone is in it.

Dec 7, 2004

Bill O'Reilly = Ebenezer Scrooge on Crack

Look, you bombastic, egotistical ass hat, saying "happy holidays" doesn't offend people. Well, not sane people. It covers everything from Christmas and Hanukkah to New Year's Eve and Kwanzaa. (Okay, the last one is probably a sham holiday celebrated only by the people who dreamed it up in the first place, but it still supports my point.) The phrase is inclusive and the perfect solution when faced with sending season's greetings to someone of uncertain faith. I'm sure O'Reilly is just falling into the customary lockstep of the religious right, but really, isn't this an awfully petty thing to ruffle feathers? If you want to protest something, protest the commercialism of the season instead. That makes a bit more sense than having a hissy fit that merry Christmas signs aren't plastered across every window in town.

Dec 6, 2004

Maureen Dowd = Ebenezer Scrooge

I have major problems with Maureen Dowd. Mostly that I don't think she writes well, yet sounds so very pompous. So this week she's finally come out of her Christmas closet and decreed that she--gasp!--hates the holidays. Personally, I think she's being all cantankerous just to get our attention. Look at how much she's been advertising her uniqueness lately. In two of her last three columns, she depicts herself as completely unlike the rest of her family. (This is the earlier column.) Okay, Maureen. We get it. You're special. Now go write about something interesting.

Dec 3, 2004

William Hung's Successor

I sincerely hope that this guy is joking. It doesn't sound it, though. Lord. At least I have the good sense to realize I can't sing and should avoid participating in/watching reality shows.

Iron Cock

As if it weren't crazy enough that some guys can crack concrete with their feet and slice through beer cans with their hands, this guy can lift weights with his penis. What will they think of next? (Thanks, Screenhead.)

Dec 2, 2004

Gaiety

I don't know what to say about this video. It's another homemade music video, à la Aicha, but are we witnessing a performance or a breakdown? I don't know. I just don't know. (Thanks, Screenhead.)

On the Rocks

Whoa. The Algonquin Hotel is now offering a $10,000 martini, complete with a loose diamond at the bottom of the glass. While I find that greatly entertaining (if somewhat extravagant), I rather wonder as to the point. Sure, you can impress your lady friend by buying her a blingalicious martini, but it's not like she can scoop out the diamond and wear it. It would still need to be set.

I think one of Lana Turner's husbands had the right idea. Multimillionaire Bob Topping proposed by dropping a diamond ring into her martini. Of course she accepted.

Dec 1, 2004

Strong Bad's New Friend

For those of you who were distressed about the demise of Compy, here's Lappy!

Ooh, Shiny!

So King Tut's coming back to the US. Pretty exciting. If he makes it to the Brooklyn Museum, I'm totally gonna be there. Too bad about the Met, though. That's deplorable that he won't be stopping there. Especially since he could chill in the Temple of Dendur. That would be awesome.