Feb 27, 2005

Nu Ma Nu Ma Yeah

This guy is my new hero. Poor Gary. Don't be embarrassed; you're entertaining the nation, and not in a William Hungesque way. He's famous because he sucks so very much, whereas your lip synching is actually good and your Numa Numa dance is clever and funny as hell. Moreover, I totally understand-- I've been listening to the real song repeatedly and it truly does incite you to dance around like a complete spaz.

Thus concludes my feel-good message of the day.

Feb 25, 2005

Misunderstanding + Inability to Tell Time = Early Start on the Weekend

Am a total douchebaguette. When one of my coworkers stopped at my desk and asked if I were going, I misunderstood. He meant going to get coffee. I thought he meant going home. (My computer clock is fast and I must have misread it.) So I left. About 45 minutes early. Oops.

Feb 24, 2005

Questionable Statistics

According to a recent study, the anti-smoking truth campaign deterred about 300,000 youths from smoking between 2000 and 2002. I'd love to know how they arrived at that number. I simply cannot believe that those ads prevented that many people from smoking. I think they're odious, maudlin commercials and I resent being told that cigarettes kill people. (Unless a gang of cigarettes gets together and starts roving the streets, beating people up, of course.) Otherwise, it's the indidividual's decision whether or not to smoke, keeping in mind that smoking may very well lead to a faster death.

Or maybe people are just turning to other alternatives, like this.

Feb 23, 2005

The Cartoon of Choice in Bizarro World: SpongeBong HempPants

Meet SpongeBong HempPants, who must be the stoner brother of the goody-two-shoes SpongeBob. Pretty clever, very well done. Guaranteed to make kiddies everywhere cry. Do I smell a cease-and-desist?

Yesh, Yesh . . .

Okay, I know this is deeply silly, but it did make me laugh out loud at my desk this morning. There's nothing like a Sean Connery impersonation to start the day off right.

Feb 22, 2005

Bizarro World

Jesus, what happened? I was away from the computer for three days (three, mind you), and I find out the world has started disintegrating while I wasn't looking. Sandra Dee died, Hunter S. Thompson committed suicide, and then, as the proverbial icing on the cake, Paris Hilton's Sidekick II was hacked. (Guess which of the three grabbed the most headlines?)

Feb 18, 2005

Gems From This Morning's Metro

I know some of you out there disparage the free morning papers, but I have to say that I'm okay with Metro. First of all, the Metro guy and I smile and say good morning to each other every day, so that's kind of a pleasant routine. Second, it's a convenient way to get a quick appraisal of the day's news (yes, I do read the Times and other sources later to get fuller versions of the stories), and third, sometimes the writers are rather witty. For example, the caption for a photo of Keanu Reeves in Constantine read:

Keanu Reeves tries really hard to emote in the convoluted 'Constantine.'

Not to mention that the very next page featured this stunning quote from Edward Furlong, regarding last year's lobster-freeing escapade:

"Lobsters are people too. Lobsters-- they are great spirits and they need to roam free. I know it was a bad idea. And, of course, you read it everywhere afterward and you get to [the] set and people are like, 'Hey, Lobster Boy!' All I did was free their little claws, man. They wanted to be free."

You just can't make up this shit. It's comic gold, I tell you.

Feb 17, 2005

Massive Rocks

How exciting: Researchers just confirmed that the Hope Diamond was indeed cut from the infamous French Blue, part of the French crown jewels stolen during the Revolution. The Hope is huge (45.52 carats), but the French Blue was 69 carats. Jesus, it could have been used as a doorknob. (Thanks, Don.)

Feb 16, 2005

The Gates Debacle Continues

Regardless of your stance on The Gates, this is a great picture.

Feb 15, 2005


I sincerely doubt that this will come to pass, but how ridiculous would it be if the city banned the sale of spray paint just to prevent graffiti? It's hard enough to buy box cutters around here; it would be preposterous to be forced to schlep out of state just so you can repaint your lamp.

Feb 14, 2005


A few weekends ago I saw an exhibit at the Brooklyn Museum entitled I Wanna Be Loved By You: Photographs of Marilyn Monroe. While there were some undoubtedly beautiful photos in it, something bothered me about it, and I think I just figured out what the problem was: The exhibit gave plenty of little snippets of information, but too often focused on only what was shown in the photograph. For example, there were photos of Marilyn entertaining the troops in Korea, but not enough background information, such as the fact that she caught pneumonia because she insisted upon performing in a skimpy dress because she didn't want to disappoint the soldiers by appearing swathed in a parka. (Even though it began snowing.)Also, some of the information was just plain wrong, such as one comment about how Marilyn seductively removed her gloves during the "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend" number in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, when her gloves remained in place throughout the entire routine. (It's perfectly obvious that she couldn't possibly have removed them with the number of bracelets she was wearing.) Not to mention that some of the info was confusing, such as when the caption for either this picture or this one (I don't remember which) mentioned something about Marilyn's lying down on red velvet, when she wasn't actually lying down in either, but in this photo. I know it seems nitpicky, but if you're going to go through the trouble of amassing a slew of gorgeous photos and mounting what is supposed to be an extensive exhibition, it should be pretty damn thorough and error-free.

Note: The last three images are technically NSFW, but they're nudes of Marilyn, so it's art, for heaven's sake. Your boss will understand.

Feb 11, 2005

Death of a Playwright

Arthur Miller is dead. Pretty bloody depressing. I signed up to go see him speak on a panel of authors (with Candace Bushnell, of all people) a few years back, but the event was cancelled and I was rather disappointed. Now I guess I've missed my chance.

Feb 10, 2005


Okay, so what is up with the proliferation of British people ripping off their own or others' testicles? Is it some sort of epidemic? Has mad cow disease somehow mutated into mad balls disease?

On a minorly related note (yeah, this is how my mind works), I read a funny joke the other day: Why is PMS called PMS? Because mad cow disease was already taken.

Legos + the Bible = Fun for All!

You know you have way too much time on your hands when you act out scenes from the Bible with Legos, photograph them, and post them online. It is keeping me amused, though.

Feb 8, 2005

What Is It? Damned If I Know.

By popular demand, here is the trailer for Crispin Glover's feature film What Is It?. Which is a very good question and one that I in no way propose to answer. I think McFly has officially gone off the deep end. Also, be forewarned: The link is temperamental and may not work right now. It's worth trying again, though.

Feb 7, 2005

Hammer = Vermin

I think this might be the best line I've ever heard about (M.C.) Hammer:

Man, this guy will not stay down! He's like a cockroach with little, baggy pants around its thorax.

The Verdict

Well, the long-awaited event finally took place: I watched the first full episode of American Dad last night. And I was pleasantly surprised. Is it as good as Family Guy? Not by a long shot. Is it funny? Hell yeah. Here are my qualms:

1. None of the characters is as spectacularly dumb as Peter Griffin. This is a comic flaw.
2. A German-speaking goldfish and a flamboyant alien still don't equal the genius of Brian and Stewie.
3. None of the characters seem particularly fleshed-out; however, I think time will rectify this problem.
4. Roger's Paul Lynde voice could become exceedingly annoying.

But, overall, I think the series shows promise. Some scenes, like the shot of the German skier with the brain of a goldfish, were hysterical and I think a lot of the kinks can be ironed out over the course of more episodes. I'll wait to pass final judgment until May 1, when the season starts in earnest.

On a side note, I most emphatically disagree with Alessandra Stanley's recent article for the Times. One of her complaints about American Dad was that the terrorism and Bush-Cheney jokes seemed dated; personally, I found them topical and fairly funny. When the main character is a paranoid, hyperactive CIA agent who looks back upon the Reagan era with fondness, I think silly and overblown political gags are appropriate.

As Afshin already pointed out, Stanley's concluding statement ("American Dad" has amusing moments and engaging characters, but it is to "The Simpsons" what Japanese anime is to Disney's "Fantasia": fashionable, but crude and cheaply drawn in comparison.) is a ridiculous analogy. While I take issue with her belittlement of anime, some of which is excellent, I also think she shot herself in the foot with her rave review of the post-Super Bowl episode of The Simpsons. Although it did contain some funny moments, I thought it was largely weak, ended on an anticlimax, and was a mishmash of plots, none of which were fully realized. I expect better from The Simpsons.

Feb 3, 2005

Errors Abound

Grab the opportunity to create your own version of one of those obnoxious, usually incomprehensible error messages. Oh, and I now understand how all your base are belong to us.

Feb 2, 2005

Coallation Complete

Hallelujah, free at last! Am done coallating and can now return to the scintillating world of writing biographies of people I find completely uninteresting.