Gems From This Morning's Metro

I know some of you out there disparage the free morning papers, but I have to say that I'm okay with Metro. First of all, the Metro guy and I smile and say good morning to each other every day, so that's kind of a pleasant routine. Second, it's a convenient way to get a quick appraisal of the day's news (yes, I do read the Times and other sources later to get fuller versions of the stories), and third, sometimes the writers are rather witty. For example, the caption for a photo of Keanu Reeves in Constantine read:

Keanu Reeves tries really hard to emote in the convoluted 'Constantine.'

Not to mention that the very next page featured this stunning quote from Edward Furlong, regarding last year's lobster-freeing escapade:

"Lobsters are people too. Lobsters-- they are great spirits and they need to roam free. I know it was a bad idea. And, of course, you read it everywhere afterward and you get to [the] set and people are like, 'Hey, Lobster Boy!' All I did was free their little claws, man. They wanted to be free."

You just can't make up this shit. It's comic gold, I tell you.