Jul 28, 2005

Wookies for Jesus

The Jews for Jesus who periodically decide to bombard hapless commuters with flyers at the Lexington and 59th subway station are annoying. Upon this we can all agree. I have no problem with Jews. I have no problem with Jesus. I have no problem with Jews for Jesus. My problem is that I simply don't like running the gauntlet of flyer-pushers. This morning, though, where there would normally be a Jew for Jesus, there was instead a Wookie for Jesus. Yes, there was a man in a full Wookie costume, complete with a customized Wookies for Jesus t-shirt. I had to take a flyer; the guy deserves some kind of respect for wearing a faux fur costume and mask in the blisteringly hot bowels of the Lex and 59th station. Plus, he made me laugh. (Didn't convert me, though.)

Worst. Star Wars Conversation. Ever.

Make sure you've recently hit the bathroom before reading this last entry—I nearly wet myself this morning.

Interestingly, she managed to report the plot fairly accurately. What does that tell us about George Lucas?

Jul 27, 2005


This is a pretty entertaining gallery of unusual condom ads. Some are funny, some bizarre, and some downright incomprehensible. The last page is one of the best, in my opinion. Gotta love the Catholic schoolkids. Now that kid is the man.

Jul 25, 2005

A Disgusting But Apt Metaphor

As I walked to the bodega to get some coffee (this is the Bronx, yo-- no Starbucks here. We're keeping it real.), I was immediately assaulted by the smell of wet dog. No, dog shit. No, both. I determined that the block between my office and the bodega smells like a wet dog taking a shit.

I need to get a new job.

Jul 21, 2005

Could This Really Be Unintentional?

Whoa. Another stellar example of unfortunate logo design.

The Post in Which the Times Dismays Me, Then Reassures Me

Okay, once the Times covers a trend, it's officially over. Thankfully, t-shirts aren't really going anywhere.

'Member when I complained about the Jessica Simpson cover of "These Boots Are Made for Walkin'"? Well, according to the Times such crappy mashups and covers may be inching toward oblivion. (And the Times knows about oblivion.) Sounds promising, but I remain skeptical.

Jul 19, 2005

Damned Hormones

Am hormonal. Don't expect wit from me today. Maybe I'll cry instead. That's about as interesting as I'm going to get today.

Jul 18, 2005

Fun with Retardation

Insult friends and enemies alike by customizing your own Family Guy intelligence level chart.

Stormy Weather

As soon as I walked outside, my arms immediately started to assume the position for the breast stroke. Air should not feel like warm bathwater, people.

Jul 15, 2005

How the Other Half Comes

Here's some end-of-the-week silliness: online orgasms. Not terribly realistic, but pretty funny nonetheless.

Blah, Blah, Blah

I seem to be very dull lately. My days seem to be spent in the quest of going to bed early, which never happens. Not very blog-worthy. My dreams have been pretty wacky, but nobody really wants to hear the details. Suffice it to say that, in the last three nights alone, I've dreamt that

1) I was at a birthday party for my best friend in kindergarten
2) I was staying in a hotel with my relatives and eating lots of cupcakes
3) I had a baby and had to fight the devil for possession of it. I won, but the baby died anyway.

All I want for the weekend is some peaceful sleep.

Jul 13, 2005

I Wonder What Wet the Cheat Smells Like

I don't know, but it's one of Strong Bad's 10 bottom list.

My Lust for Fabulous Bathroom Fixtures Knows No Bounds

Fucking hell, these bathroom fixtures are hot. Or cold, as the case may be. (Terrible pun, I know.) Seriously, I just shivered with longing from looking at the pictures.

Jul 12, 2005

Word to Your Captain

Watch Captain Picard and the rest of the Enterprise crew get jiggy with it in some of the most amusing ways. Data is particularly endearing. Word.

Scientologists Have Eaten Her Brain

For a glimpse into the freaky, freaky world of Katie Holmes (or the zombie she has become, rather), read this interview. Horrifying, man.

My Week Starts on Tuesday

Blah, blah, blah. Mondays are a total washout for me. Never expect any relevant postings until Tuesday. Just figured I'd make explicit what is probably obvious by now.

Jul 7, 2005

I Love Lobster

Dear lord the food at Black Pearl sounds orgasmically good. $20 for a lobster roll is a bit stiff, but I'd pay it for a really excellent one. I haven't had a lobster roll in years.

Jul 6, 2005

Zombie Hipsters are My New Heroes

This is so awesome. Some hipsters decided to dress up as zombies and attack a local group of medievalist dorks who engage in regularly-scheduled mock battles. How D&D. Yeah zombie hipsters!

Jul 5, 2005

Even Limper, Yet Not as Much Fun

As a male counterpart to the freaky falling Anne Heche clone, here's the almost-but-not-quite-as-mesmerizing liquid man.

Jul 1, 2005

Sometimes Limp Can be Fun!

Disturbing? Yes. Yet mesmerizing and fascinating. And very floppy. Ouch. Enjoy.

Rice Just Got Much More Interesting

So they're making assorted colors of rice in Taiwan to promote healthy eating habits among children? Interesting . . . and tasty.