Deep Throat Revealed

So there's one helluva revelation. W. Mark Felt, former FBI official, has claimed to be Deep Throat. If it's true (which is likely), Felt has just answered a question that's been on the country's collective mind since the '70s.

Make It Stop

For the last goddamn time, get a clue from the Star Wars kid and do not tape yourself practicing with a stick for a light saber. Here's a clip of yet another asshat, this time a grown man, playing with a stick. Just try to look away from the jiggling belly fat-- it's mesmerizing.

Puerile Entertainment of the Day

I know this site is deeply silly, but you do have to wonder about what some of the people who designed these logos were thinking. Cock, most likely. (Thanks, Screenhead.)

Jedi From the Block

Oh, will the fug never end?!

Another Useful Word

Yes, it's that time again: vocab lessons! Today's word is scrotch, which means to scratch one's crotch. The need inevitably arises in public places and can be rather irksome for the ladies. Men, on the other hand, seem to have no aversion to scrotching in public, and frequently go for full-on penile and testicular readjustments in plain sight. But that's just gross.

Misheard Lyrics

Thanks to a coworker, I just discovered a great site that lists tons of commonly misheard song lyrics. Personally, I found the Robert Palmer/"Addicted to Love" mistakes the funniest. Though I think the site is missing a few misinterpretations that I've heard/made and have found pretty entertaining. Such as:

In Queen's "We Are the Champions": Blue time for loo time, 'cause we are the champions . . .

Bonnie Tyler's song "Total Eclipse of the Hun"

In Blondie's "Heart of Glass": Riding high on love's true Jewish life . . .

When Panties Attack

Beware the vibrating undies! For they cause not only pleasure, but pain as well. Oh, the pain! And oy, the embarrassment!

Grating News

Suddenly I don't look so crazy for refusing to walk over subway grates, huh? Of course, I frequently wear jeans, not skirts, but that's beside the point. This new revelation has given me one more reason to avoid subway grates, in addition to my usual concerns that they'll either collapse under me or my heels will get stuck.

Simpsons' Sexy Slumber Party

Remember the site (run by the two "college girls" renting a room in Flanders' house) mentioned in a recent episode of The Simpsons? Well, here it is: sexyslumberparty.com. Kinda funny. And check out Springfield's Sexiest Moments-- Marge is a hottie with her hair down.

J. Lo: Fuglier Than Ever

Ah, another thorough fug-bashing of J. Ho. Again, I'm hearing it in Cartman's Hennifer Lopez voice.

Chandeliers: Part II

As per my earlier post, I'm still obsessed with chandeliers. I finally located a photo of a fabulous one displayed at the MoMA, which I just love. Totally perfect for a kitchen or dining room.

Revenge of the Newspaper Nerds

I just had to share this quote from an old New York article by Stephen J. Dubner that I just got around to reading. To provide some context, it's a comment made by former Times sports columnist Robert Lipsyte about editor Howell Raines (who was ultimately ousted after the whole Jayson Blair debacle):

"If Howell really had been the coach of a football team," says Lipsyte, "he would have been successful, because jocks are basically sissies and they roll over for alpha males. But what he had was a bunch of nerds, and nerds take it and take it and take it and then show up in the cafeteria with an AK-47."

Yeah nerds.

Chappellewatch Continues

According to the most recent reports, Chappelle isn't on drugs, isn't in a loony bin, is just chilling in South Africa at a friend's house because he's overwhelmed and wants to make sure that everything he produces is good, not just mediocre (which is certainly a worthwhile goal). I hope it's true. I don't like being skeptical, but he is an actor. And actors tend to, well, act. (Except Hayden Christensen, who's clearly an adherent of the Keanu Reeves method.) But let's hope for the best.

Just What Every Affluent Geek Needs

Well, I'd buy these awesome Tetris shelves if I had the cash. (And the space in my apartment, but that goes back to the cash issue.) So I guess I'm more likely to make them myself when I eventually move to a larger apartment. Hm. Or maybe this could be a project for my dad--It'll finally give him a reason to use the jigsaw.

Bitches and Pie

I have no intention of watching The Real Gilligan's Island, but, if I were debating the matter, this clip just might convince me.

Incidental Keanu-Bashing

"[Joseph] Gordon-Levitt is a slender and beautiful young man—in the Keanu Reeves mode, but flesh-and-blood instead of wood."

Thank you, David Edelstein, for making me laugh out loud this morning. And for reminding me that I really do want to see Mysterious Skin. Read the review (along with a couple of others) here.

Oh, the Tragedy!

Damn, damn, damn. I've already made plans for the weekend of May 20-22, so I'm going to miss the 2005 New York Burlesque Festival. Bah. I actually wanted to see it this year, as last year I wound up unfortunately plastered and remembered very little of the show the next morning. I had also lost my sunglasses, wallet, and a pair of panties that had been tossed to me. Or was it a flower? Or both? Yeah, see what I mean about not remembering?

Update: Chappelle

So it seems that Dave Chappelle has checked into a mental health facility in South Africa. I dunno what the hell is going on, but I hope he pulls it together quickly and gets back to work. The man is talented and I would hate to see his nascent career cut short by drugs/burnout/etc.

Meet Cuke Skywalker, Ham Solo, Obi-Wan Cannoli and the Gang

"That giant fruit threatens us all."

That may be one of the best lines I've heard in a damn long time. Anyway, here is Grocery Store Wars. Watch it if you're a Star Wars geek. Watch it if you're an organic produce dork. Oh, just watch it.

Good Doggie

For those of you who have been bitching about dogs and how dumb/useless/craptastic they are, all I have to say is: so there.

Sounds Like Time for an Intervention

So, if any of you out there haven't heard yet, the new season of Chappelle's Show is MIA for some unspecified reason(s), possibly having to do with conflicts between Dave and Comedy Central and/or Dave's health and/or Dave's implied but unstated drug problem. This article raises almost as many questions as it answers, unfortunately, but is a decent update on the situation.

Even if the return of Chappelle's Show has been delayed, I don't suppose I can really complain too much. At least Family Guy is back.

J. Fug

I love reading posts like this and this. Every time the girls at Go Fug Yourself mock J. Lo, I hear can hear Cartman's hand as Jennifer (pronounced "Hennifer") Lopez speaking the words. It's an entertaining experience, believe you me.

Accidentally Anal

Just follow the link, people. What an unfortunate choice for a logo!

The Onion Tells It Straight

Once again, the Onion is spot-on.

Stormtroopers Are People, Too

Love both the photo and its caption. Did I mention that I have a thing for stormtroopers?

Bedspreads Are the New Black

Dear god in heaven. Karolina Kurkova is wearing a bedspread. As an evening gown. I don't know what to say.

Incidentally, check out this gallery for some of the most preposterously-dressed, pretentiously-named snooty-ass people ever to attend a gala.

Update: I am not alone in loathing the bedspread dress.