Happy to be Served

I know, I know, it's silly. But I want one of these.

Layout Issues

As you've surely noticed, I'm currently having layout issues. They're not my fault; something's up with Blogger. I was momentarily excited to have fixed the problem of the massive space, but now I have the problem of the ends of posts being hidden under the archives sidebar. Ah well. Blogger giveth and Blogger taketh away. Bear with me.

Oh, in case anyone wanted to know, I didn't go to the Mermaid Parade. The sweltering heat won.

The Wacky World of Scientology

Evidently, Salon is running a series of four pieces on Scientology. Parts one and two are pretty interesting thus far.

Mermaids vs. Sweltering Heat

The Coney Island Mermaid Parade is this Saturday. I've never been before, and I'd really like to go, but it's supposed to hit 87 degrees in Brooklyn tomorrow. Am weighing the desire to stay in my air conditioned apartment with my desire to see wacky-ass mermaids.

Whoopsie

Evidently, the whole Nazi sex doll thing was a hoax. Oops. Sorry.

In barely-related news, I finally checked out the Museum of Sex last weekend. It was fairly eh, though some of the old stag films were pretty entertaining. The highlight was undoubtedly the RealDoll: one was on display in a case, but there was a separate section of a RealDoll's torso from the navel to the clavicle sitting out with a Touch Me sign above it. So touch I did. It felt like sticky skin. Very bouncy and smackable. And the boobs were like giant stress balls. It was awesome.

Showers of Light

Fuck chromatherapy. I want one of these showerheads because they look awesome, not because they're going to magically make me happier or healthier through the healing power of green light. I'm such a girl.

Baubles, Bangles, and . . . Body Parts?

This jewelry is like some horrible experiment in Barbieland gone awry. Yet it's strangely cool. I want some, but with prices like these, I think I'll just hack up my own Barbies, thank you very much.

Baubles, Bangles, and . . . Electronic Components?

Now you can proudly display your technological savvy in jewelry form.

Calling All Tall Men

So true. Of course, she could just use a ladder.

Wisdom from Tea

Ah, the simple pleasures in life! Although I am tired, frustrated at work, busy as all hell, and freezing in the sub-zero temperature of the office, at least my tea bag tries to cheer me up (or pacify me, perhaps). This one reads: When you engage the world with compassion, kindness and grace, you are an angel. Not sure why I like that little aphorism as opposed to some of the other wacky maxims my Yogi Tea spouts, but I just do. So there.

Fun with Saddam

So awesome. Evidently Saddam is up on all the hip games the kids are playing during recess these days. (Thanks, Don.)

Wacko for Jacko

Watching this is akin to watching Trekkies, i.e. funny in a do-people-like-that-really-exist? way. So sit back, relax, and watch Triumph the Insult Comic Dog take on yet another group of weirdos: the Michael Jackson supporters.

At Last I've Heard Jessica Simpson "Sing"

Poor Nancy Sinatra. Just look what they've done to your song. Listen to Jessica Simpson butcher "These Boots Are Made for Walkin'". Watch the video that glorifies cosmetically-enhanced white-trash ass shaking. Marvel at the extreme gratuity of an unnecessary and irrelevant washing-the-General Lee-in-a-bikini scene. Ponder how the hell Willie Nelson got involved. Take an aspirin.

Blogging Bunny

I just discovered the Lady Bunny's blog, which features a motley assortment of entries, photos, and links. Rather entertaining. Also, a good reminder that I really must go to one Wigstock before leaving for sunnier shores . . .

Nazi Sex Doll (or, More Accurately, Sex-Puppen)

Haha. Maybe the Nazis did some good after all: Looks like they invented the first sex doll. Still doesn't make up for the whole Jew-killing thing, of course.

Yes, Virginia, There Are Teeth in Your Vagina

While I think it's horrifying that rape is such a common occurrence in Africa that a device like this is necessary, I think it's a pretty good idea and should properly scare the shit out of anyone who tries to stick his dick where it doesn't belong.

Here's to You, Mrs. Robinson

Anne Bancroft died of uterine cancer two days ago. How sad. She not only was a marvelous actress, but seemed like a truly nice person as well. And she was half of a Hollywood marriage that actually lasted-- she and Mel Brooks had been married for just over 40 years.

Giving Al Gore Props

Hey, it looks like Al Gore did help out with that whole internet thing. He just won a Webby.

Stupid Baby Names

What is it with celebrities and their affinity for bizarre and/or stupid baby names? Last Friday comedian Penn Jillette and his wife had a baby girl whom they named--are you ready?--Moxie CrimeFighter Jillette. Yes. Moxie CrimeFighter Jillette. My heart goes out to the poor child.

Boys, Babes, and Bikinis

This is really every adolescent male's fantasy, isn't it? Or close to it.

Incidentally, should I be embarrassed that I've always liked the song "Owner of a Lonely Heart"?

Where Did the Angel Touch You?

Jaysus! This site offers some of the most disturbing products I've ever seen. I can't decide if they're creepy but useful in dealing with sexually abused kids or just plain creepy. I can't really see Briscoe and Green playing with dolls, even for the benefit of sensitive little abuse victims. (And don't bother reminding me that Briscoe is dead. I know. But he lives in my heart. Sob.)

In Oxytocin We Trust

So, anyone else worried?

The First Step is Admitting You Have a Problem

Okay, I confess. I need one of these to keep me from eating all the damn Ben & Jerry's in one sitting. Damn you, Ben & Jerry, you purveyors of tasty treats!