If I Could Turn Back Time...Oh, If Only!

Excuse me while I rub my temples and try to decide whether this is fabulously kitschy or sort of tragic. Probably a bit of both. I think I may need to own it. Anyway, brace yourself for the schlock and awe of '80s Cher Barbie.

Yeah, that's her infamous "If I Could Turn Back Time" ensemble. Which leads to my next point: Have you watched that video lately? Ever? Well, it's about time you do. Seriously. Go. Now. Watch.

After re-watching the video earlier today, I realized that I'd entirely forgotten (no, not Cher's assless...well, ass) that her son Elijah Blue plays guitar in the video. That must have been an experience, watching your mom hump cannons and gyrate in a glorified thong. Bet that one led to some great "your mom" jokes.

And, to further complete our journey into the bizarre, here's Meg Griffin's version from Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story. (Anyone else think it sounds like Rachael MacFarlane singing? Intentionally crappily, natch.)

In conclusion, we now know what would happen if Cher could turn back time. She would be Barbie.

New York: Sexy But Safe

Yet another reason why New York rocks my socks off: The city's got its own condoms. Rock.

Ring-A-Ding-Ding

While ambling around Etsy, I found some awesome stuff. (As usual, I s'pose.) This time I was trawling the ring section.

I love both of these chunky, funky bits of gorgeousity.

This nipple ring cracks me up. (No, it's not for your nipple. It is a nipple.)

Not sure why I like it as much as I do, but this fox ring is both sorta cute and sorta rugged.

And just about everything by nanopod is bizarrely, extraterrestrially (or interthoracically) awesome.

Classing Up Crochet

Boy, I wish I could just whip up some crocheted metal jewelry. Until I learn how (and I'm not holding my breath—I'm kinda busy these days), I guess I'll just have to drool over this collection. I don't want every piece, of course. Just, well, most of them. Oh, and if that's the designer, Arielle de Pinto, modeling the jewelry, she's pretty cute herself. (Via NOTCOUTURE.)

Orgy of Anthropologie

Once in a while, I find myself compelled to check out the goodies at Anthropologie. They're seldom affordable, but a girl can dream, right? Here are my most recent lust objects:

Cirrus Bedding—I can't decide whether I prefer the grey or white. I think the grey, though. It just looks like such luxurious, light summer bedding.

The Poet's Necklace—Not that any poet could afford it, mind you. But it's pretty cool. Am busily trying to figure out how I could make one of my own without slicing myself to ribbons.

Who's the Fairest? Mirror—So delicate. I think it's my top pick. And, at $148, it's cheaper than either the bedding or the necklace.

JFK Gets the Washington Treatment

From the genius (Brad Neely) behind George Washington comes a most excellent follow-up: Professor Brothers present History Lesson #1. The new subject? JFK, motherfuckers. (Thanks Afshin!)

Everything's Better Covered in Crystals

God, I'm such a sucker for the sparklies. All you have to say is the magic word (that's Swarovski, in case you didn't know) and I automatically start oohing and aahing. Take a gander at the crystal-encrusted goodies at the RISD and Swarovski joint exhibit at ICFF 2007. I particularly like this cool cobwebby...thing. (I initially thought it was a lamp, but just realized that it may be purely decorative. Personally, I think that's a bit of a waste. One thing I've learned from my grandmother is that, whenever possible, turn it—whatever it may be—into a lamp.) Also cool are the funky, chunky chair and the trompe l'oeil–ish table.

Pretty Young Things

What is the connection between beauty, sweets, and death? Not sure, but I found two photosets that are worth checking out for their picturesque weirdness. First, there's Daniela Edburg's Drop Dead Gorgeous, in which an assortment of chicks succumb to an array of (mostly) delicious temptations. My demise would totally be Death by Nutella. (Oh, and I have these socks.)

Even creepier is the series Little Dolls, the subjects of which make JonBenet Ramsey look like Laura Ingalls.

Awesome Abduction

This Abduction Lamp is too funny. It's a good thing it wasn't produced back in the mid '90s, when I had an alien-themed bedroom. Actually, it was a little bit preposterous. My room was like what would happen if an alien mated with a Barbie doll...in the back of a Volkswagen. (Via NOTCOT.)

Make Me Fries

Prepare to wet yourself. Check out this captioned video of Pearl Jam's "Yellow Ledbetter." The captions sound spot-on to me. Thanks Zack!

Cherokee, Marching Down the Trail of Tears

Yeah, I know it's a dreadful Europe song, but it's so horrible that it's awesome. And I would have it stuck in my head all day if I wore this hoodie. Seriously, though, the hoodie's amazing—a great shape and funky headdress detail. Unfortunately, it's also $236, so I don't suppose I'll be picking one up any time soon. (Via Popgloss.)

Lovely Legos

This guy's Lego art is awesome. It's sort of astonishing how gripping some of his monochromatic people are. (The link is in the fourth paragraph.)