Christmastime Horrors

Am still on holiday vacay, hence the lack of posts. If you celebrate Christmas, I hope it was just lovely. Now prepare to claw out your eyes while simultaneously clutching your sides from laughter. Gah!

'Cause Nothing Says "Respect"...

...like a tattoo of that word in your crotch. That everyone can see. Because you're naked in a Playboy centerfold. Riiiight. (The link to the full picture is totally NSFW, of course.)

Three Pictures

There's no theme to today's post, except that all the things I considered posting about were images. So you're gettin' 'em all.

First, the horrible and depressing.
Second, the sublime.
Third, one that bridges the gap: a little bit awesome, a little bit morbid.

Guys and (Sex) Dolls

Now you might start to think I'm a bit obsessed with RealDolls, but I'm not, really. I admire all the work that goes into them (seriously, each one is a work of art), and I'm simultaneously fascinated and repelled by the men who own them. (I also tend to think of RealDolls as giant Barbies. With orifices.)

Anyway, my point was that, if you have a bit of spare time, check out this British documentary, Guys and Dolls, about RealDolls and the men who love (and love) them. It's sad and a bit scary how many of the guys treat the dolls as though they're sentient beings. And it's also a bit upsetting how...well, forlorn some of the dolls look. Definitely worth a look, though.

Also, I think it contains the best line ever: "Shit. And I'm running out of vaginas."

Dork Out With Your Pork Out

Well, as I learned from this Kotaku interview, Whorecraft (formerly World of Whorecraft, but, understandably, Blizzard had an itty-bitty problem with that title) is now up and running. (Thanks for the heads-up, Zack.) Check out the official site for more info (and the opportunity to buy one of the funniest/dorkiest T-shirts ever).

In a similar vein, if you want to ogle some Warcrafty chicks without paying to download, why don't you take the free tour of Bare Maidens? Pretty funny. Totally NSFW, natch. (Thanks Genie!)

Merman Reacharound

Warning: Totally NSFW. Unless, of course, you happen to work at my office, which is where a coworker first introduced me to this unforgettable merman reacharound tattoo. At first you think, "Hm. That's strange." Then you notice the background and think, "Ew. That's kind of gross, albeit in a picturesque way." Then you realize that a) that's not a fish on the front merman's lap, that's his cock and b) you can see an itty bit of the back merman's balls. Which means that you know where his penis is. And the whole thing gets rather disturbing.

I mean, did this artist have no clue at all about merman anatomy? It all looks very incorrect to me.

Whoopsie

Evidently, the whole Nazi sex doll thing was a hoax. Oops. Sorry.

In barely-related news, I finally checked out the Museum of Sex last weekend. It was fairly eh, though some of the old stag films were pretty entertaining. The highlight was undoubtedly the RealDoll: one was on display in a case, but there was a separate section of a RealDoll's torso from the navel to the clavicle sitting out with a Touch Me sign above it. So touch I did. It felt like sticky skin. Very bouncy and smackable. And the boobs were like giant stress balls. It was awesome.

(Mis)Information

A few weekends ago I saw an exhibit at the Brooklyn Museum entitled I Wanna Be Loved By You: Photographs of Marilyn Monroe. While there were some undoubtedly beautiful photos in it, something bothered me about it, and I think I just figured out what the problem was: The exhibit gave plenty of little snippets of information, but too often focused on only what was shown in the photograph. For example, there were photos of Marilyn entertaining the troops in Korea, but not enough background information, such as the fact that she caught pneumonia because she insisted upon performing in a skimpy dress because she didn't want to disappoint the soldiers by appearing swathed in a parka. (Even though it began snowing.)Also, some of the information was just plain wrong, such as one comment about how Marilyn seductively removed her gloves during the "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend" number in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, when her gloves remained in place throughout the entire routine. (It's perfectly obvious that she couldn't possibly have removed them with the number of bracelets she was wearing.) Not to mention that some of the info was confusing, such as when the caption for either this picture or this one (I don't remember which) mentioned something about Marilyn's lying down on red velvet, when she wasn't actually lying down in either, but in this photo. I know it seems nitpicky, but if you're going to go through the trouble of amassing a slew of gorgeous photos and mounting what is supposed to be an extensive exhibition, it should be pretty damn thorough and error-free.

Note: The last three images are technically NSFW, but they're nudes of Marilyn, so it's art, for heaven's sake. Your boss will understand.

The Porsche of Sex Dolls

This site is totally bizarre (and not at all safe for work). I can't decide if it's sick and twisted, or just really, really weird, though not harmful. I guess it's okay if you can socialize like a normal human being and happen to have a spare $5000 with which to buy a lifelike sex doll. I see it as a problem for the hardcore Trekkies or Dungeons & Dragons nerds who, after maxing out their credit cards for such dolls, may never feel the need to learn to relate to real chicks.

Seriously, though, check out the site. It's strangely compelling.