If Your Valentine Hearts Hearts...

Celebrate Valentine's Day with Krispy Kreme's heart-shaped donuts.

Or pick up one of these cute pixelated love duffel bags. Hell, while you're tootling around fred flare, pick up these sunglasses and this necklace, which will particularly appeal to devotees of The Wizard of Oz. (If you don't know why, you haven't watched the movie enough.)

If you want to give a gift that's awesomely sexy, yet not Frederick's of Hollywood–trashy, opt for these adorably retro Sailor Jerry garter undies.

Should you feel like dropping a load o'cash, this necklace is one of the few heart-shaped pieces of jewelry I actually condone. It's so big, so elaborate, so...loopy that it manages to avoid being cloying. This lariat is less of a statement piece, but still rather fresh and sweet. (Via Better Living Through Design.)

On the other hand, if petite (and geeky) is more your style, you might consider this necklace.

Or, for your favorite lush, here's a cute little (though probably overpriced) heart-shaped keychain flask. Actually, skip that one. This flask set is much more stylish (and rather less cutesy).

For a Risqué Holiday

No. As I said last year, no fuzzy handcuffs or heart-print boxers. Still, you can go the slightly racy route without resorting to tack.

Want to make your intentions blatant? Go for the self-explanatory sleep/fuck eye mask.

For something marginally subtler (but likely more useful), choose one of these French lesson panties. (I know the site calls it a panty, but please—they're panties. You don't have a pant, you have pants. Some things are just meant to be plural.) If you really feel like splurging, get the whole set.

Something that I've always wanted and have never gotten around to buying for myself is a pair of marabou bedroom mules. 'Course I'm sure they'd look just fetching with my baggy pj pants or flannel nightie and long johns. (Well, sometimes I get cold. Shut up.)

Now, if you're really rolling in the dough, buy this obscenely expensive Gift of Burlesque set for your gal (or, if you are said gal, for yourself). Of course, you'd have to be comfortable enough to put the toybox to use...maybe a bottle or two of Champagne would help. Get some of that, too.